Non-Food Related Intermission

I found this today. I wanted to consolidate my blogs so I present you with my first non-food related post.
FROM: 12/11/2010

Time:7:07pm
Did I Get Out of Bed?: I did. I am actually at work.
Did I Eat Microwave Food?: Kraft Mac and Cheese. Ah, that blue box. Soothes my soul.

I had yesterday off. Fridays are great days, especially if you don't have to work at all. Therefore, it becomes more of a Saturday. But better, since you still have Saturday to come. It's like your birthday on the day before Christmas but you still get all the presents without people buying you one to trick you.

What did I do with my time? I didn't sleep in. No, for the first time in a long time I woke up at the crack of 10 in the morning and loaded up my laptop (the magical bed computer) to play Cracktown (Cityville).

Cracktown is the newest offering from the gaming company/drug giant Zynga. They are the masterminds behind such home wreckers as Farmville, Frontierville, Cafe' World, and a bevvy of other random nouns with -ville tacked on the back.

 Pictured at left: These horses wait quietly in their rows, waiting for the swift kiss of glue factory death that will never come. I will just harvest their hair, season after season, and leave them there for the harsh elements to take care of. My nursery barn will provide me with strong, young stock when the old ones can no longer stand. I have countless Farmville 'friends' who will gift the young to me in exchange for magical boxes and drugs.

Farmville lets you sit around and click things for as long as you want. There is no "energy bar", an evil that was provided in later games, so you can basically just move shit around and buy pixellated items for real money. Then, as the season changes, your pixel shit will go out of fashion and you will be forced to toil over the crop once again to buy the newest "Birthday Thanksgiving Themed Cowpie".


 Here, you can see the fruits of the past 24 hours. I have been building and supplying and merchandising my little 10x10 square. I have a small subruban area where all of the houses and identical and provide me with parcels of rent. I have a Headquarters for my Bakery empire (soon I will be adding my video game tower) and I have a small square where the people of my city can enjoy themselves and buy more things.

How did I build my shit so fast? Easy. Tawiwanese girls.

I went to the Cityville fan page where everyone was shouting 'pleez add me! neighbor neighbor!', hoping that we could perhaps be Cityville friends and I will send tour buses to their floundering cities and provide them with much needed commerce. I shuffled through them until I saw one person with a small ASCII banner that said 'Please Add Me!' It was simple. It was effective. I friended them and they immediately sent me rich, pure energy. But that wasn't all.

Her friends added me. One by one, I was friended by small Taiwanese girls who play Zynga games like it's their goddamn job. They set up businesses in my town and they sent me higher level items. They harvested my crops and gifted me with wonderful key items. My city grew and grew until it could no longer be contained by the city's limits. I needed to expand.


 Pictured at left: sweet sweet commerce.


I'm babysitting my city in the other window right now. I'm actually only making this blog post while I wait for my crops to grow. I sometimes log in just to gaze upon my shining city on a hill. This is what Lex Luthor must feel like every goddamn day


Here are a list of things I put on the back burner to play Cityville:
Eat
Sleep
Poop
Grocery shopping
Christmas present shopping
Play the real games I purchased
Drink water
Go out
Hang out with friends
Gas up my car
Work

The message in all this? Don't play Facebook games. They destroy lives. And that, boys and girls, is today's 'How Not to Be a Fuck Up'.