It occurred to me today, while making a white mocha with an extra shot of espresso but half decaf, extra hot, with sugar free raspberry syrup, that I do not know what white chocolate is. I don't really consider it chocolate. It's weird and gross. A Wikipedia-ing was in order.
It was invented to use up excess? That means that white chocolate's core ingredients are labeled "excess". White chocolate is, essentially, made from trash. It's trash candy. I was making an extra hot trash mocha, made from garbage and lies.
This reminded me of a time, a couple of weeks ago, when I was making cookies at my coffee shop. I was making molasses cookies and it occurred to me that I didn't know what molasses even were. A quick Wikipedia-ing told me then that molasses were also GARBAGE FOOD. They were made from sugar excess and at one point and time were given to slaves. They were SLAVE GARBAGE cookies.
I'm all about calling a spade a spade, despite how yummy that spade may be. So next time you're order your mocha, try a garbage mocha.
I totally feel this song, man. I'm totally in to Asian chicks, too.
1. Man, I went to Kowalski's today, the fancy grocery store, to get some pita chips. I went in, walked around, enjoyed myself amongst the food, and went back to my car plus many pita chips and some hummus.
To my surprise, there was a fat middle-aged woman hoovering around my vehicle. I got in my car and she began yelling at me. I got out and she looked at me and in an equally enraged and pathetic voice she said, "I can't get in my car."
Sure enough, my car was parked slightly too close to hers. She could have squeezed in but her fat prevented her from any even slightly acrobatic feat. She was too large to crawl in from the other side or the back seat. She was standing there, pathetically trapped by her fat. She was cocooned in her fat, completely helpless. I was terrified and angered by this gross misuse of a human body.
I said, "Hey, I'm leaving." and she replied again, "I can't get in my car" as if she, herself, could not come to terms with how helpless she was. A wall, a foot and a half high, would have been an insurmountable obstacle for this woman. I got in my car and drove away, not looking back. I could not bear to see this blob of a person crawl in to their PT Cruiser.
I went home and ate my pita chips and watched some television. But the spectre of this woman, her fat and her pillow-y red jacket, continues to haunt me. How gross.
2. I had to write my reaction paper today. For that hip hop class. I chose to talk about DJ Hero and Beat Mania, and subsequently the world's weird-ass relationship with hip hop. Japanese people buy turn tables and wear black face, claiming it makes them part of the authentic hip hop movement. German people bomb trains and only wear specific New York New Era hats because, despite never having been to America, only those brands and those names represent the "real" and "authentic" "Streets". The world has a weird, weird relationship with hip hop.
Side note, I really like this song. I think I'd like to get married to this song someday. And then, maybe be buried to it.
I am so hungry I can't think straight. I'm in Mazis' 12:40 Russian History class and I can't think of anything but a warm, delicious sandwich. And soup. And a horse. I would eat that goddamn horse. I'm so hungry I can't think of anything else.
ARRGGH, even if I left right now Food Buddy is still in class until 1:40. Then, FB will get out of class and we will argue about where to each for like, 20 minutes, which is 20 minutes longer than I want to wait for food. Then we'll have to drive somewhere and get food and then wait for the food and only then can we begin eating. I am more than an hour away from delicious food. Food of any kind. I would eat Taco Bell right now, I am so hungry.
I keep looking at the Panera Bread website, and the Subway website, trying to decide what I'd like to eat. Making new combinations of delicious foods. At this point I want so many things I don't think I can even decide. $10 will not get me the amount of food that I want. $20 might. Just maybe. Did you know that BlogSpot says "combinations" is not a word? It suggests both "combination s" and "combination's". I'll have to look in to this after I FUCKING EAT EVERYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
I don't actually like peaches. I bought a peach once, it was a fuzzy white peach from a fancy grocery store in Eagan. It sat in a little bag in the crisper until eventually the clear bag was obscured with brown filth and I threw the peach out without looking at it. But "peach" is a great word. Just not as good as "apple".
I thought I'd make a blog for about 3 reasons.
1) Now I don't have to make a thousand Facebook notes whenever I want to tell the world about a bowel movement or some funny thing I thought up while peeing.
2) This layout is really classy looking.
3) There is now a blog dedicated to me talking about my bowel movements and funny things I thought up while I was peeing. That's great.
The last, and slightly less important reason, for a blog is the fact that my Twitter failed. I went to sign up for one only to find that I had activated a Twitter a couple of months ago. My only Tweet said this:
HEY GUYS I JUST SHAT OUT TWO QUARTS OF WATER ISN'T THAT COOL?
I decided to delete the Twitter and never speak of it again.
So here is a place for me to tell you about things like this Aqua video. Enjoy.
