RANCH - The Flagship Dutcher Post

Location: The Tattoo Place
Music: Whatever the artist picked
Weather: Kind of gray

So, a lot of recipes call for buttermilk, right? And you're all like, "WTF who has buttermilk? I don't want to go to the store I hate this." Well, I'm going to help you make buttermilk RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. This is followed by a special recipe just for Amanda Dutcher...

BUTTERMILK
1 c. whole milk
1 Tbsp. lemon juice (or distilled white vinegar, something acidic)

Mix the two together. Let sit for 15 minutes. Mix again. BUTTERMILK.

AMANDA DUTCHER'S DO-ANYTHING-YOU-WANT-TO-IT RANCH DRESSING BASE
1 qt. mayonnaise
1 qt. buttermilk
2 tsp. parsley flakes
2 tsp. onion salt
3/4 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. garlic salt

Mix it all together and refrigerate for a few hours so the flavors mix up. This makes 2 quarts (not enough, right?) but you can make it bigger or smaller as you like.

Knowing Amanda, she will improve upon this recipe in no time so stay tuned for her comments regarding good mix ins and better spices. I would suggest adding peppers and bacon for a Bacon Chipotle Ranch. A good method of drying chiles and making hot sauce is to come! Also, having a spicy ranch is killing two birds with one stone. You're getting ranch dressing and spiciness....two things Germany completely lacks.

SOME RANCH IDEAS:
-Add 2 tsp. dill to the above recipe
Dill would make the ranch in to a tart and refreshing vegetable dip

-Add 2 tsp. paprika
Paprika is Germany's go-to spice and this would make it a lovely creamy red color with a little bit of a bite. Good on burgers and sandwiches!

-Replace some of the buttermilk with more mayonnaise and add chopped fresh basil and tomato
Now you have an Italian sandwich spread! Add as much mayo as you want to thicken it but it'll be cool and refreshing in a way store bought spreads cannot be!

MAKE SOME RANCH